Spicy. Tough. A force. These are all words that I use to describe Adi.
I’ve written a lot about her over the years. Here are just a few that popped up when I searched “middle child”:
To My Almost Middle Child…I See You
To My Force of a Daughter…I See You
As my girls get older, I realize that they are all truly different. They each require attention and love in different ways. Adi’s preferences are so different from my own. She has required the most energy, mostly because I have had to stretch far outside my own comfort zones to truly understand her. “She’s a tough nut to crack.”
Adi likes to fly under the radar, but not completely outside of the range of being noticed. She will let you know if she hasn’t received enough attention, usually by stating how unfair something is or how I’ve “favorited” someone over her. Giving her just the right amount of what she needs is also tricky because she doesn’t like to be shown affection. After many nights tucking her in and her flinching when I hugged her, she kindly (well probably not kindly) asked me to please not hug her. Not ready to just give up any physical signs of loving her, we settled on a one finger touch as bed time. Although, sometimes I still pull her in for a spontaneous hug and a peck on the cheek. Most of the time, she is completely grossed out, while other times I can see the corners of her mouth fighting a slight smile.
During her recent basketball season, Adi also requested that I stop shouting things like “Great job” and “Nice!” from the sidelines. “Can’t you be more like Dad and yell at me and tell me what to do?” she asked. Unfortunately, I don’t feel confident in giving basketball advice, so I mostly spent the rest of the season golf clapping from the stands, but careful not to take my eyes off of Adi because she would also let me know if she caught me chatting instead of watching her. “You never even watch me.”
I’m just trying to figure out the balance of loving her enough, but not too much. Most days, I grossly overdo it in one direction or another. While I’d love for Adi to reply “I love you too,” every night when I tuck her in, I am learning that she shows her love in her own ways. She is spicy and fierce and is not afraid to let you know what she needs and what her boundaries are. I know that all of these qualities will serve her well in life and she’s teaching me a lot along the way…
Where There Is Joy 
You are a reflective, responsive mom, Jess, and Adi knows that. Her fierceness and her understanding of herself sesrves her well. She reminds me so much of Julia when Julia was her age. Jules told me to zip it as she was playing soccer and I never coached her again from the stands. She now tolerates snuggles.
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Thanks for all of that. I’m hopeful we can hug again freely someday!
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I was coming here to comment that she sounds like Julia! The two of them are now complete besties and remind me a lot of each other.
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Adi will enjoy reading this slice someday. The 1 finger touch is precious, a good compromise.
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Being a mom can be a humbling experience. A wonderful one, but at times really challenging. Trying to figure out what each child needs or wants and still trying to hold on to yourself in the process as you build a unique relationship.
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You are a great mom who is figuring out your EVER changing and yet unique and wonderful daughter and what she needs. A child who knows what she needs will be an adult who can get what she needs!
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I like the fierce and spicy attributes. They sort of seem like what these times require. She and her goats will prevail. If I knew a goat like the one in our OBTS, I would probably be a big fan of goats as well.
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It’s so intriguing how different each child can be. I love your description of Adi and how she doesn’t like to be hugged (at this point in time) and trying to find the balance. I don’t remember any of my kids being so focused on whether I was focused on them, so that’s fascinating. I really like the one finger touch!
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I am still amazed at how very different each of my kids is. I love that you know Adi just shows and receives love in a different way. She needs you the most!
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Ok, that last line and picture – ahhhh-mazing! What a beautiful portrait of your special Adi, who I just know will be a one-finger force in the world someday. I’m so glad we got to meet her here.
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Here’s to the fierce and spicy ones! The good thing is, she freely expresses her needs and she will let you know when she needs you in other ways. It’s tough to figure out the balancing act.
You practically described my daughter. I’m a huggy Mom. She is not. Ewww, don’t touch me! I sneak them in anyway and run before I get hissed at, lol!
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I am cracking up at “Adi is also a lover of goats.” You look like you mayyyy have received an eye roll right after that photo was taken. And, like my mom and Clare, this post screamed Julia to me. Was even going to tell you the ‘zip it’ story. The 1 finger touch reminds me a little of the kissing hand!
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