My middle daughter, Adi, is in fifth grade. My kids have always loved school, but I’m not sure if it is the age or what, but fifth grade hasn’t been a big hit for either of my older kids. When I finally get to Adi after school, whether its picking her up at my parents’ house or from the dance studio, she is usually pretty quick to let me know about the fifth grade drama…even though we have really worked on “tell me something good first.”
Yesterday, as we got in the car to do one drop off or another, Adi grumbled something like, “and I’m already having a terrible day.”
I took the bait and asked, “What happened now?”
She jumped right in. This one had been waiting to spill out. “As soon as I got into class Ms. G was holding my sentences. It’s all your fault. She’s hard on me because you’re a writing teacher.”
“Huh?” I was confused.
“She made me rewrite my sentences because I wrote in pen and I crossed out a word. She said, ‘Would your mother be happy with these sentences?'”
After a few clarifying questions, wanting to be sure I got the story straight, I said to Adi, “Well…I can email her to let her know I would be very proud of your sentences and that you were finding ways to fix your own mistakes.” I was already thinking about a blog post from last week that I could link, the one about celebrating all of the messy revision that happened in a third-grade classroom. I could really show her what I think about Adi’s sentences.
“Oh no!” Adi replied immediately. “That will make her hate me even more.”
I’ve drafted that email in my mind several times, but I think Adi is right; no good would come from sending what I really think. This post will have to suffice.
Where There Is Joy 
I so wish that teacher could read that blog post!! I can’t believe there are teachers who are still sticklers about stuff like that. Also, it hurts my heart that your kids haven’t had such a good time in 5th, as that’s the grade I teach. But I know how much the teacher and their relationship with each kids matters. Sigh! Anyway!
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Being a teacher-mother can be really complicated. I have BIG FEELINGS about the way others teach my kids (usually when they are petty, but whatever). My kids have a different last name from mine, so usually people don’t know that we’re related, which helps, but still… I see you, holding back from that email. Adi will figure this out, and if you’re lucky, you won’t have to step in. (Still, how dare she invoke your name to chastise your child? Grr…)
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It is so complicated. I empathize with teachers and probably intervene far less than I could/should. Adi has navigated a lot this year and I believe they learn valuable life lessons from all kinds of teachers. Some are just trickier to endure!
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Oh dear! While I can empathize with the teacher (It’s also hard to be the teacher of a teacher’s kid sometimes.) I don’t really think she should use you (and your amazing ability as a writing teacher) in her work with Adi. I think you are right not to send the email. At fifth grade, it is important for the kids to work out some of this stuff on their own. I hope that writing the post helps. (Why are so many of us writing about bad days? Is it because today is the 13th??)
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Perhaps! 🤣
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A lot of teachers are insecure (I counted myself in that category). I have a feeling that Adi’s teacher thinks about you a lot and wonders what you think of her or of the work that Adi’s doing. She might even be thinking about what you would think if she showed you that paper by Adi. She’s wrong about what you’d think, but she’s probably a bit intimidated and thinks she needs to hold Adi to a higher standard. Sigh.
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This is a good perspective and I appreciate it. I always give the benefit of the doubt and hold a lot back…but I bet you’re right. Thanks for that.
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It is tricky to be a teacher’s kid, for sure! I know my kids felt that, esepcially the years we weer at the same school (for most of their pre-university education we were at the same schools as each other). Honestly though, I know my kids would not have loved having me as a teacher.
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Adi’s personality comes through loud and clear. So does your struggle with what to do! Good move to listen to Adi’s advice and do nothing!
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As Amanda says, it is tricky to be a teacher-mother! I know my son’s teachers sometimes found me annoying but I would have advocated for any child in the same way! I am sorry that Adi has a situation in 5th grade that’s more of a struggle and less of a joy. And glad that she has you to vent to each day!
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I never told the kids’ teachers what I do for some of these reasons! Hope your past it today!
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Yes! Over it. Today was too busy to harp on silly. 🙃
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Oof! Please tell Adi we’re on her side! –and that we’re rooting for her to figure out how to find the positives of her teacher, even though it seems like her teacher still has some learning to do. You’ve captured the emotions of this moment so well.
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