I remember the weeks leading up to my reentry to work after my first maternity leave. I was an anxious new mom, and I shed many tears that fell around my sweet new baby. I was sad I wouldn’t be the one to hold her all day, afraid of what I would miss. So much anticipation and unknown was associated with my return to work date.
I remember what I wore on my first day back, an orange dress and brown boots. I remember feeling good, getting dressed again, sad to be leaving my baby. I remember walking into school, with new accessories (a pumping bag) and trepidation. Would I still fit in? Would I know what to do? I had just spent 14 weeks engulfed in the world of a new baby and being a new mom.
I quickly found that school hadn’t changed much. My day was filled with hugs and happy reunions. I remembered why I loved that place and my work. It all came back so naturally. Yet, at the end of the day, I was eager to get home to my girl.
I remember being home again, with my baby in my arms, feeling a sense of accomplishment. I had done the thing I had dreaded for weeks and it wasn’t so bad. But then reality sunk in…I had to do it again the next day and the day after that.
Day two of returning from maternity leave remained the bigger challenge for me in my subsequent returns after my next two babies. That realization that this is my new reality hitting home- but also the knowing that a new routine would set in and everything would fall into place.
I have a little bit of those same day two feelings on day two of this writing challenge. March first was filled with happy reunions and hugs in the form of comments. But as I settle in for day two, the realization that I have to do it again is hitting home. I know from experience that the ideas and routines will come and in a few days, this writing reality will become my new normal. But today, I’m feeling all the day two feelings.
Where There Is Joy 
what amazing connections. I too remember those day 2 feelings of realizing my new reality of a working mom. I too remember the tears all the way to work. But then, it was ok. And we will write and share and prod memories in March. Thanks
I am in tears with memories
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I didn’t give you your DAY 1 hug, so here it is! Day 1’s are often easier– it’s the sustaining that’s hard. This is a post that could lead to a lot of important conversations.
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I love that Day 2 comparison. But, I have to say I remember the orange/reddish dress. You looked amazing returning that day! Day 3 will be better.
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I was having trouble on Day 1 of this challenge. Your post is giving me confidence that the routine will come and the ideas will begin to flow. Your comparison to returning to work after having a child is really perfect. It was so hard, but we did figure it out.
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Your slice really resonated with me today! Pregnant with my first, and already feeling a sense of dread and worry about returning to work before I even left! Thanks for your vulnerability. The connections you make are powerful in this slice.
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Your slice really resonated with me today. I’m pregnant with my first, and already somehow feeling a sense of dread and worry about returning to work before I even left! The connections you make here are powerful and I appreciate your vulnerability.
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Yes! I think it’s like a lot of anticipated days, either hoped for or dreaded. The adrenalin gets you through that first part, but the second part and the long haul require something different from adrenalin, something like will…and faith. Those are tougher to summon than fear-stoked adrenalin. I’ve found the same thing with some dreaded anniversaries. We worried so much about that day arriving, but then it somehow wasn’t so bad. Then the day after hit. That was not something we had prepared for. Thanks for this post. It’s profound.
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I feel like your comment could be a post. Also profound!
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I like how you connected maternity leave and slices. Great ending!
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Ooooh – Day Two Feelings is such an apt phrase that captures all the feels. You really captured the moments and angst that come with a return to ‘real life’ after time with your wee ones. Thanks for the parallels and the share!
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“But as I settle in for day two, the realization that I have to do it again is hitting home.” I feel seen! Really had to chuckle at the brazen reality of this line. The second day is full of realizations and adaptation. Here we go again, again.
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Jessica,
This is an interesting metaphor. On the one hand, there’s comfort in routines, but on the other hand, there’s discomfort in “having to do it again.” At some point in my career, I decided to switch “have to” to “get to.” I said that to students often and now say it when I sub.
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I’m right there with you. In that season of my life going back to work was a have to that quickly turned back into I get to. Same with writing. It’s just in the getting started for me!
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What a profound reminder for all of us–“I know from experience that the ideas and routines will come and in a few days, this writing reality will become my new normal”. The link to returning back to work after maternity leave is so beautiful.
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What a beautiful and thoughtful post. Going back to work after I had my daughter was hard, too, because I definitely felt like I was going to miss out on so much. Luckily, my mom was really good and kind with reassuring me.
And yes, day two of the challenge really is the “What have I done?” part hahahaha
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