Day two dance camp drop off…success. One day earlier, Rose had cried as I gave her “one more hug” twelve times. She had never gone to camp without her sisters. Plus, we’ve hardly been apart this summer. There has been some summer regression for sure.

No sooner did I pull onto our street, already planning my morning with two girls at camp, did my phone begin to ring. It wasn’t spam. It was a familiar number, but not one that popped up with a name. The dance studio. Rose was upset. She wanted to talk to me…no. She wanted me to come get her. “I’ll come back to help calm her down,” I said.

“Take two,” Adi announced as we arrived at the dance studio for the second time.

As we entered the studio, Rose came towards me like she was ready to leave. “Oh no!” I said. “You’re staying. You’re part of this hip hop team. I came to give you one more hug.”

A few deep breathes later and a few more hugs, Rose announced, “I want you to leave now.”

I sat in the lobby a few minutes longer, waiting to make sure she really was fine.

“I picked up some good language,” one of the dance instructors working in the lobby said.

“You’re so calm,” another chimed in.

I laughed. “I’m working on it,” I said and that’s the truth. This summer has been all about emotional regulation. While I envision summer bliss when the school year comes to an end, I’m promptly reminded that while the idea of summer is amazing, it comes with many obstacles. The greatest obstacle has been dealing with my three daughters’ big feelings and keeping my own feelings in check through the process.

It has taken me nearly eleven years to realize that my kids are not the problem. It’s me. At almost 11, 9, and 6 they are still learning how to deal with their emotions. And, at 40, I am too. This summer I have been reminded that my reactions matter.

Last week, while on vacation, a rainy day tested my patience big time. I was ready to pack up our things and head home before we ever even hit the beach. I knew I needed to reset. I went to my Kindle app and pulled up Dr. Becky Kennedy’s book, Good Inside. I knew I needed a little inspiration to see the good and adjust my own reactions to everyone’s emotions. There have been many summer days, or just days in general, that have felt like I don’t have the capacity to deal with one more argument or outburst. In those moments, I’m not always my best self and my reactions often make things even worse. Dr. Becky has been a go to in the last few years. In this overwhelming vacation moments, her chapter on “the most generous interpretation” once again centered me as asked myself her question, ‘What is my most generous interpretation of what just happened?”

Last night, in the middle of one cranky tween and two overtired and crying kids, my middle daughter, Adi, said (between sobs), “I just need a hug.” Adi is not a cuddler. In fact, at bedtime, instead of a hug or a kiss, she insists on a one finger touch. But, as she crawled into my lap, I rubbed her back and complimented her on dealing with her big feelings in a positive way.

I know that these moments, where I am able to keep my cool, matter. Once again, I’m grateful for the gift of summer to practice and dedicate time to growing. I’m hoping, some of this work will stick when things get chaotic again in the fall. But for now, I am trying to give us all a little grace. We’re all still learning.