If you’ve been following along this month, then you’re probably starting to learn more about the very different personalities of my three daughters. Today’s post is dedicated to my spicy middle daughter, Adi. I’ve written a few posts all about her in the past. My first post all about Adi came right before she became a middle child. Then, a year later, a post about all the ways I saw her growing…especially her heart.
Adi is a force. She is the daughter that requires and demands the most from me. She’s downright exhausting. When Stacey recently wrote about her son Ari, I thought we could easily replace the r in Ari with d for Adi: “Ari has made the bookends of our day stressful for the past week.” We could probably also replace the word week with few years.
Adi is a button pusher. If things are calm, she has to stir up trouble. She prefers to do what she wants and is by no means a people pleaser. She tells it like it is and rarely cares if she hurts anyone’s feelings in the process. I’ve recently been trying to instill the idea of “think don’t say.” There have been some approximations but she still requires a lot of reminders.
I’ve always wondered about her as a student. Our oldest daughter, Wren, is very in your face about her abilities. We get daily self reports about how she’s doing in school, what she’s thinking, how she processes information. Adi is much more subtle. I knew before Wren even went to school that she would excel. Adi would be a wildcard.
I’ve been grateful that she holds herself together at school…only to promptly fall apart when she gets home. Now in third grade, I was curious about her multiplication facts. Wren had just learned them at school. We never had to practice at home. I prepared myself for flashcards and games with Adi. However, as her class started working on math facts, she quietly let me know each week that she was progressing easily.
At her fall conference, I asked Adi’s teacher about her standardized scores on the screeners they use. Having never received any standardized data on Adi, I wondered how she performed-just out of curiosity. Her teacher let me know that Adi was doing just fine.
I’ve seen a shift in Adi in third grade, which has proven to be a much more academic than any previous school year she has had. Initially, she was very turned off by the demands of the school day. Reading logs and weekly math packets for homework often pushed her over the edge. But, now I see her finding pleasure in the rigor I know she is experiencing at school. Her joy is completely different than Wren’s. Wren finds pleasure in learning but also in pleasing people in the process. Adi is finding joy in pushing herself, more of an intrinsic drive.
Adi is a force. She keeps us on our toes. But, she knows who she is and is discovering new ways to channel her strengths. In the process, I’m also learning how to embrace her ferocity.
Where There Is Joy 
Ferocity, force, spicy – your word choice conveys the heat produced through friction but that also comes from within. The fire inside seems to create a certain volatility outside while also driving Adi forward to tackle new challenges in her own, perhaps unapologetic, way. I appreciate your candor in writing about how you love and cope with such a dear one. You show what’s possible when we write from the heart about the people we love the most.
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Adi is a force – I love this way of describing your strong middle girl. I know she is a challenge, but she sounds like a challenge well worth the work! I tended to be a people pleaser as a kid. After reading this, I’m thinking we need more Adi’s in the world; more people who are driven by what is right, not by what others want.
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I am still a people pleaser…I think maybe that’s why she challenges me!
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What an incredible tribute to the child she is and the adult she will become. I always try to remember that what makes my own kids challenging to me will make them incredible out in the world. Thank you for more of a glimpse into your world!
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It’s great how you can see her differences and appreciate them, even when she’s frustrating. I guess when you go from the baby to being both an older and a younger, it makes you exceptional in a way. It’ great when someone can be doing things for intrinsic reasons. You might be getting a truer sense of what they value.
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The picture is precious!
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I’m a fellow member of the “three girl club” or “three of a kind club.” My middle exhibits a lot of the same qualities as yours. I once saw this quote and it fit my Audrey so well. ”Be gentle my little thunderstorm the world is not yet ready.” I like to think that “my middlest” will grow into her big personality. She’s 11 now and it’s starting to happen!
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Yes, Adi! I love this kind of kid! Embrace that ferocity as it will serve her well in life! I am sure there are times when she finds exactly the right button to push– Julia’s my second, and a family legend is when I had to pull over in Southington on our way to her college orientation in VA. She was also a force and it has led to amazing things.
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Embrace the ferocity now because it doesn’t go away! Such different kids but you appreciate each of them for their uniqueness. That’s love!
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What a wonderfully loving tribute to Adi. I appreciate your honesty about your spicy, fiesty, ferocious button pusher and your awareness of all the positive things that come with that – most especially that you know the power of raising a young woman who is NOT a people pleaser. May she continue to know herself as she makes her way through the world.
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It sounds like Adi is challenging that middle-child birth order. I know she might be exhausting, but her feistiness and tenacity will serve her well as she ages. Until then, give yourself Mommy-Time-Outs whenever you need them. (Trust me, I do this often.)
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