“J! Come check this out,” Arnauld called from upstairs. I was in the middle of lunch prep for the week and a bit exhausted by a week of single parenting while Arnauld was in Singapore. “Is this a gray hair?” he asked awfully excited.
“How can I tell from down here?” I snapped.
I heard him coming down the stairs, one hand on his head and a grin spread across his face. Arnauld doesn’t usually have hair on his head. He shaves it bald…but he isn’t actually bald. He claims a few spots are thinning, but I don’t see it. However, I prefer his bald head because the alternative is hours spent every Saturday at the barber shop…been there, done that. But today, Arnauld has a thin layer of hair on his head since he didn’t have an adapter for his clippers while traveling.
I stop what I’m doing to examine Arnauld’s head, which he has placed in my line of vision. “I think it’s a gray hair,” he repeats.
“Why are you so excited?” I ask, thinking of the growing number of grays I’ve been spotting on my own head lately.
“I’ve never had one (insert eye roll) and I think I’ll look distinguished with gray hair,” he replied.
“I don’t see it,” I tell him, sorry to burst his bubble.
Later that same day, Wren and I were driving home from a birthday party. “Call for plastic surgery,” she read from a billboard we passed.
I went on to explain how some people alter their appearance with surgery. This seems to be a new concept for her. We go onto have a pretty good conversation about accepting who you are and being content with the body you’ve been given. She’s only ten, but she seemed to understand. “Like your curls,” I explain. “Ever since you were little, I’ve told you how lucky you are to have curly hair. Imagine if you hated your curls and spent all of your time straightening them? You’ll be better off in life not wishing you had something else. Just embrace who you are.” I wish this message was instilled me a little more growing up-that’s why I make a conscience effort to support a positive self image in my daughters.
My mind wonders to all the conversations I’ve had recently with friends about botox, fillers, and other beauty “enhancing” treatments. A large majority of the people I’ve grown up with turn forty this year, just like me. As our bodies begin to age, society seems to be telling us to do whatever we can to stay eternally young.
I may not be celebrating every gray hair like Arnauld, but for now, I will try to heed my own advice and embrace the body I have.
Where There Is Joy 
More back seat conversation! Yes, embrace who you are.
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Hilarious that he wants to celebrate a gray hair. No thank you. There’s a whole lot I embrace, and gray hairs don’t get the hugs. We need to have coffee soon. There’s a lot to talk about with young women and body image. My best friend is a dermatologist, so…
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I’m with you! In my 20s I made a vow to myself to never color my hair when it turned gray. Now at 60 I seem to have more gray hair than my mother, but my 31 year old son showed me his gray hairs in December and he seemed fine with it, I will not be that botox/filler/liposuction person, but figure to each their own.
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It always reminds me of the Sneetches, where that mischievous McMonkey McBean is taking advantage of the Sneetches who are never satisfied with how they look. I hope you’re successful with your girls. It’s a challenge, for sure. I’m neither celebrating or denying the gray hairs. They just are.
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It’s hard! I don’t have plans to do much/if anything to my face as far as botox, but the grays that are in a big block right in front are just too much for me. So I dye it. I figured, I didn’t dye my hair for a long time, I can do it now.
But a great conversation with your daughter!
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I discovered my first gray hair while on maternity leave with my first son 3.5 years ago – I took a picture and sent it to every family member and close friend. At first. I was horrified. My mother sent back “LOL” with laughing emojis *eye roll* I started to love them actually; I think I’m the same as Arnauld. I figure I’ll look more sophisticated or something haha!
Also, I have two toddler boys, but we would love to have a daughter one day. We’ve already had these same conversations – Kyle and I want to ensure promoting healthy self-image, open conversations. I figure it’ll be a lot harder said than done. Thank you for modeling what that looks like. Your daughter is a lucky gal!
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Thank you for this post, so full of heart, humor, and honesty. I’m personally with you on aging gracefully, but I’ve also responded with “more power to you” to friends who have sought enhancement. Although I do not have a daughter, I have many nieces and absolutely agree with-
‘“ Just embrace who you are.’ I wish this message was instilled me a little more growing up-that’s why I make a conscience effort to support a positive self image in my daughters.”
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Only Arnauld would celebrate the grays! I’m about embracing but with aging I feel more and more the minority as I get older.
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I went totally grey in my early 30s and I knew I would never be able to keep up with dying it, so here I sit with a pile of grey curly hair and a face full of wrinkles. My wrinkles show the life in my years….now if I could find a way to deal with the long-term effects of gravity!
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He’s *excited* about the gray? Well… there’s proof that men and women are socialized differently! Good for you for helping your girls feel good in their own bodies – and here’s a little extra support for you as you turn 40. (50 is no better, let me tell you – heeheehee.)
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